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Balls of Steel & a Little Bit of Second Hand Stubborn Faith with an inch of resilience.

This morning I was sitting here talking to my best and only true and honest friend, wishing him a happy 65th birthday, and not only in his career over 40 years as mentor but just in his being of a person. While we were on the call, he actually went onto my site and had a look. He told me he’s supportive of what I’m doing just by sending me a whatsapp correcting me on a spelling mistake. Man, that meant the world to me!

So there I am — on my cheap Hisense phone, chatting away, but at the same time editing and publishing this mornings inner piece with you. And as I’m looking at this little phone in my hand, something hit me hard.

This cheap phone in my hand has way more computing power than the computer that took men to the Moon and brought them back safely on the first trip in the 60’s.

Let that sink in.

The Apollo Guidance Computer — the “brain” of that spaceship — had only about 76 KB of memory. My basic Hisense phone laughs at that number. And yet, with that tiny amount of power, those astronauts landed on the Moon, walked around, and came home.

They didn’t need the latest and greatest.

They just needed something that worked… and balls of steel to use it, and a reminder of a little bit of faith has worked for others from before.

That’s exactly what I’m learning right now with this blog, a week ago I was still building an impressive website and its taking time, and its new tricks and vocabulary for an old dog at my age to learn and it can be frustrating but I will get there someday but on this past miserable lonely Sunday this beautiful blog post site was born with 34 followers already and counting.

I don’t need fancy equipment.

I don’t need to reinvent the wheel or rewrite everything from scratch.

I just need to use what I have — this cheap phone, this simple website, and the faith I can borrow when mine feels small.

Job’s faith worked.

It was tested. It was stubborn. It was second hand at times.

But it was enough.

And Bob’s your uncle… here we are.

So if you’re sitting there today watching dead flowers grow thinking you don’t have the right tools, the perfect setup, or enough faith — stop waiting.

All you need is:

Balls of steel (or at least a little bit of courage)

A little bit of second hand faith ( If it worked for Job it has to work for me somehow / somewhere along the line too).

And the willingness to use what’s already in your hands

We do need tools, yes — but the simplest ones often work best when paired with stubborn faith.

I’m right here with you — also borrowing faith together if we have to.

Still Building.

My name is Job – and what’s your name?

What season are you in right now? This isn’t a Christian site because life is like a gyroscope and its exists from millions of tiny alignments and energies and many things and that’s why we find our self’s on bad and good streeks now and then because nothing is aligning and we are out of sinc, think of it this way we can’t always dance at every wedding, some weddings are just shit.

Tomorrow’s piece is not potting yet but I’m Job and I’m sure some experience will lead to something again to share from my side.

In the meantime if “I Am Job” is helping you in some supportive way, consider buying me a coffee please.

paypal.me/VanDerMerwe7″

Most days I don’t have fresh, shiny faith.
There’s no one at home speaking life into me. No strong support system. No infrastructure holding me up.
Every single day is a battle inside my own head and ordinary day to day life — fighting against clients who keep taking but never pay, even though they’ve been with me for years and aren’t struggling, they’re just full of shit. It feels like something much bigger than me has decided to conspire against me and is having a great feast at my expense.

So all I have left, is secondhand faith.
I inherited it from a man who went through worse than me. His name was Job.

I don’t know if his pain was truly worse than mine or yours because hurt is hurt and loss is loss so don’t let anyone tell you your not hurting as badly as Job (Fuck those belittling people, they are not genuinely our truest friends, they are our enemies but we can make their energies work in our favour). I’ve lost almost everything too — children, family, wealth, health, dignity, career, and many things I’m still discovering I lost. I sat in my own version of ashes while my so-called friends dissected my life, looking for where I must have fucked up. They tangled me up so badly that I lost all direction for years and stayed stuck going backwards.
I had a central nervous system breakdown. Then a stroke. The shock and hurt during recovery nearly destroyed me. And through it all, God stayed silent — just like He did with my big brother Job.

But that man kept breathing.
He kept speaking.
He kept arguing with God.
And in the end… God showed up.

So when I wake up with nothing — no money, no answers, no strength, and no fresh hope — I reach for second hand faith.

I tell myself:
“If it worked for him, and I seem to have inherited his life, then maybe it can still work for me.”
I don’t need to feel it.
I don’t need to understand it.
I just need to trust that someone before me already walked through deeper hell than this and still came out the other side.

Second hand faith is not weak.

It’s honest.
It says: “I’m too tired to generate new belief right now, I’m actually to scared to pray, trust, hope and believe today again because yesterday just like the days before was Royal Fuckups. I’ve been let down way too many times already. So I’m going to borrow from the one who already proved it works.”

Job my older brother proved it.
He screamed. He cried. He raged. He questioned everything — and God did not destroy him.
God restored him fuck’n eventually.

So today, if your faith feels small, used, borrowed, or almost gone… that’s okay.
Hold onto the second hand version.
It has already been battle-tested.
It has already been proven.

My name is Job – and what’s your name?
And what season are you in right now?

I’m right here with you — borrowing faith together if we have to.
Still Building.

Don’t get me wrong, I wish my non paying clients are sitting right here next to me in my boat.

Tomorrows piece is going to be beautiful, because today is my one and only true and best friends 65th Birthday and while speaking to him this morning around 6am and doing todays piece a beautiful realisation sprung to mind and it’s going to becalled something like “Balls & Stubborn Second Hand Faith”.

If you’re in your darkest moment right now…
I see you.
I know what it feels like when everything is heavy as fuck. When the pain is so deep you can’t even cry properly anymore. When you wake up and the first thought is “not another day of this shit.” When God feels silent, people feel far, and even breathing feels like too much work.
I’ve been there. I’m still there some days.
You don’t have to be strong right now. You don’t have to have faith. You don’t have to “just trust the process.” Fuck that. Sometimes the only honest thing you can say is “I’m fucking tired. I’m broken. I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”
And that’s okay.
You’re not failing.
You’re not weak.
You’re not alone

Sometimes it helps just to say, I inherited Jobs secondhand crap shoes and he got through it so with his old second hand shoes I also inherited his stubborn faith. And that tiny little bit of stubborn faith is all we need.

“By I Am Job – Keeping the Secoundhand Faith”