Most days I don\u2019t have fresh, shiny faith.
There\u2019s no one at home speaking life into me. No strong support system. No infrastructure holding me up.
Every single day is a battle inside my own head and ordinary day to day life \u2014 fighting against clients who keep taking but never pay, even though they\u2019ve been with me for years and aren\u2019t struggling, they\u2019re just full of shit. It feels like something much bigger than me has decided to conspire against me and is having a great feast at my expense.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So all I have left, is secondhand faith.
I inherited it from a man who went through worse than me. His name was Job.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t know if his pain was truly worse than mine or yours because hurt is hurt and loss is loss so don’t let anyone tell you your not hurting as badly as Job (Fuck those belittling people, they are not genuinely our truest friends, they are our enemies but we can make their energies work in our favour). I\u2019ve lost almost everything too \u2014 children, family, wealth, health, dignity, career, and many things I\u2019m still discovering I lost. I sat in my own version of ashes while my so-called friends dissected my life, looking for where I must have fucked up. They tangled me up so badly that I lost all direction for years and stayed stuck going backwards.
I had a central nervous system breakdown. Then a stroke. The shock and hurt during recovery nearly destroyed me. And through it all, God stayed silent \u2014 just like He did with my big brother Job.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But that man kept breathing.
He kept speaking.
He kept arguing with God.
And in the end\u2026 God showed up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So when I wake up with nothing \u2014 no money, no answers, no strength, and no fresh hope \u2014 I reach for second hand faith.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I tell myself:
\u201cIf it worked for him, and I seem to have inherited his life, then maybe it can still work for me.\u201d
I don\u2019t need to feel it.
I don\u2019t need to understand it.
I just need to trust that someone before me already walked through deeper hell than this and still came out the other side.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Second hand faith is not weak.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s honest.
It says: \u201cI\u2019m too tired to generate new belief right now, I’m actually to scared to pray, trust, hope and believe today again because yesterday just like the days before was Royal Fuckups. I\u2019ve been let down way too many times already. So I\u2019m going to borrow from the one who already proved it works.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Job my older brother proved it.
He screamed. He cried. He raged. He questioned everything \u2014 and God did not destroy him.
God restored him fuck’n eventually.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So today, if your faith feels small, used, borrowed, or almost gone\u2026 that\u2019s okay.
Hold onto the second hand version.
It has already been battle-tested.
It has already been proven.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My name is Job – and what\u2019s your name?
And what season are you in right now?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m right here with you \u2014 borrowing faith together if we have to.
Still Building.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Don’t get me wrong, I wish my non paying clients are sitting right here next to me in my boat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tomorrows piece is going to be beautiful, because today is my one and only true and best friends 65th Birthday and while speaking to him this morning around 6am and doing todays piece a beautiful realisation sprung to mind and it’s going to becalled something like “Balls & Stubborn Second Hand Faith”.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Most days I don\u2019t have fresh, shiny faith.There\u2019s no one at home speaking life into me. No strong support system. No infrastructure holding me up.Every single day is a battle inside my own head and ordinary day to day life \u2014 fighting against clients who keep taking but never pay, even though they\u2019ve been with […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-26","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n